Hope

This is the first time that I feel hopeful in a long while. Some of you know about why I needed to have a partial hysterectomy, others of you don’t, that story will probably be discussed in the future, just know that I had one 2 1/2 years ago. At the time all of my doctors told me that I would go through menopause at a normal age, because I still had both of my ovaries. A year ago, I never would have thought that I’d be on  hormone replacement therapy at 28 years of age, but I am, and now I’m hopeful. 

I don’t know exactly when it started, but there was a transition to me feeling tired, all the time. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I’d come home from my MOPS meeting and think, “Oh, I’m so tired, I did so much today, I need to rest.” Sounds a little rediculous, doesn’t it. I think because of my tiredness, I began to resent anybody who even seemed perfect at something. If you were a perfect housekeeper, I resented you. If you had children, yet managed to stay thin and in fashion with your hair and makeup in place, I resented you. If you seemed too happy, I resented you.If you had good friendships, I resented you. (Although, I wasn’t honest with myself that I was doing this.) Everything was a struggle for me, from getting into the shower, to simply getting normal clothes on. Other marital issues crept in. My brain couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was too hard for me to sustain thinking deeply about anything, even things that interested me, but I became bored easily. I had a son and a daughter that I was not taking joy in, as much as I should. Things just kept getting worse and adding on. 

Thankfully in June, I went to my sister-in-law’s chiropractor. She was the first one to tell me that I had at most about 2 years before my ovaries stopped working properly. It had just about been two years. So, I kept the information in the back of my head. But,  as I continued to drag more and more and go through periods of depression, I started researching further. Sure enough, according to more natural women’s health adcovates, I should be expecting a loss of hormones. At the same time I wasn’t experiencing hot flashes, so I didn’t think it could be menopause. Things didn’t get better, so I started to look up symptoms that went along with menopause, and even though I didn’t have hot flashes, I did have about 1/2 of what was on the list of symptoms. Being somewhat wary of starting hormone replacement therapy at 28, I looked into finding a more naturopathic doctor. 

It was around the holidays at this point, so I made the appointment for January. When I went to the appointment the doctor confirmed that I probably did have low hormones. She took my blood to test for all the different types of hormones and we made an appointment for two weeks to test the esterdiol and progestrone hormones. (The ones that vary according to a woman’s cycle.) When I returned, she decided to check my hormones, but go ahead and start me on therapy. Not only were my hormones in the post-menopausal range, but they were low, or below normal even for that range. On top of that, because my body is not expecting low hormones, it would react more severely than a 50 year old body. 

While the thought of being on hormone replacement therapy for at least 20 years is somewhat daunting, I’m also relieved and hopeful. Relieved, because my lathargy and attitude wasn’t completely due to my sinful nature. (Another reason that spurred me to get medically checked out is that I had been spending regular time with God, and in my life, when I’m doing so I’m more joyful than I was.) I’m hopeful because I don’t have to look down the corridor of time and wonder when the tiredness will pass, but rather am doing something to help it. 

The first day of wearing my bio-identical estergens patch I felt a huge improvement. I had energy. It wasn’t hard to go to the grocery store. It wasn’t hard or fake to laugh with my children. I was excited and happy. Even the next morning, I was tired (after all I have children waking me up at all hours) but it was different. Life wasn’t a challenge. I wasn’t dragging. I feel like the world is my oyster now and that I’m capable of actually accomplishing my dreams. I thank the Lord for bringing me to this place of answers and hope.

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Published in: on February 5, 2009 at 10:39 am  Leave a Comment  
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