Childless by Choice vs. Childless by Choice After Two

Wow! I was reading a blog article that someone linked to on Facebook. (Article 1)

This article referred to another one on a different blog. She did not post the link but a quick search is all it takes to find it, and I was intrigued. (Article 2)

I am simply amazed. There are two sides to this coin and I’m just shocked at some of the things the childfree group says. I’m not so amazed at what the conservative Christians are saying because I’ve heard it and that’s the culture I belong to. Obviously I lean more to the second group.

So, first observations about the original article 1. The article refers to a list of the top 100 reasons NOT to have children. Which is filled with selfishness. It is completely a me-centered attitude. At the end the author basically puts forth the question, What’s the difference between childless by choice and childless by choice after two? (She was not being dogmatic about it, but simply putting it out there. The following “discussion” through comments I found very thought-provoking.

Here’s the thing, there are often times the conservative Christian side of the coin that says, you must be willing to have as many children as God wants you to have by not using any kind of birth control. You shouldn’t try to control the number of children or child spacing. Then there are other conservative Christians, who do use birth control and other methods to “control” the number of children and spacing in their home. (Control is in quotes because ultimately God is in control, no matter what, but we all know what I mean.) Anyhow, I guess what gets to me is those that don’t think limiting the number of children in your home is a valid option. It’s simply seen as selfish. I know myself, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, but while I love being a mother, it’s a hard job! I want to be wise with the limitations that God has given me physically, emotionally, and just personality-wise. Is that showing a lack of trust in God? I guess technically the answer is yes, that God knows my limitations even better than I do, but I don’t trust God perfectly with anything. And for people to critize with, “You trust God in everything else, why not children.” Is a little bit of a mute point. I struggle with trusting God with our finances, with healing, with time, and a multitude of other things. Is that an excuse? Probably not. At least not a good one, but there it is all the same.

So, originally all these comments had me thinking about all my selfish reasons for not adopting another child. (While I want to my husband is hesitant, which has made me hesitant. But even so, I’m at a place where I don’t really want more than 3 children right now and I have 2) Anyhow, then I started thinking, if God controls the number of children in a family simply through the opening and closing of a woman’s womb combined with the idea of “We’re not trying but we’re not preventing” lead me to wonder… God closed my womb, so was I being sinful by pursuing adoption. God knows me better than me, did he know that two would be too many children for me and one was enough? (I don’t really think this because I really do believe God brought Lydia to our family) But now I just have the question rolling around, if one can expand their family outside the womb, then why is one not allowed to constict the size of the family with the womb?

I’m usually a middle ground type of person. If you want to leave your womb open for God to give you as many children as He desires, that’s fine, that’s your decision between your family and God. Although, with a family like the Duggars (on 18?) with doctor’s saying it’s unhealthy and dangerous for her to have more children, it might be getting to the irresponsible part. On the other side, if you want to limit your family size to 2, 3, 4, or more children who am I to say that is not the right decision for their family, I don’t know all of the surrounding circumstances. (And is a family that stops at 6 more godly than one that stops at 2? Is a family that has only been blessed with 2 even with a lack of birth control more godly that a family that decided to stop and use birth control after 6 kids?) I do know one thing, of the families that I know that have chosen to limit their family size, I don’t know a single one that would not be overjoyed and in love with their child once the accident shock of it wore off. God creating in them a capacity that they thought they didn’t think they had, but at the same time were trying to be responible and wise considering their family and the circumstances God has given them.

I could continue to think and ramble, but I think I’m just going to let this lie.


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